I discovered a lump in one of my breast about a couple months ago. I put it off by going to the doctor and decided that it was probably just fatty tissue. I skipped going to my ob gyn and schedule a mammogram earlier this month on a Tuesday it was my first mammogram. The tech said your one of the calmest patients I’ve ever had I said “I’m not worried it is what it is” she said good attitude. I was told a radiologist would read them within 24hrs and I would get a card in the mail if everything was ok and to not to be surprise if I was called back for more views its normal because some images are not that clear. So the next day I received a call to come back that they needed to redo the left side I said okay and we schedule it for Friday of the same week and was told a radiologist would be at the appt to explain anything.

I went back on that Friday while changing in the room I said to my left breast are you sick? LOL… and thought does anyone else talk to their breast and then I chuckled. Once changed I went to the waiting room and got myself some hot chocolate. Once done drinking my name was called. I went back into the room and the tech showed me the images that had arrows pointing to the spots. Yeah it was more than one spot. What are the chances that my first mammogram would be abnormal? So we redid the pictures to get a closer look the spots. Afterwards I went back to the waiting room. I wasn’t worried while sitting there. About 15min later the tech comes out and says we need to head over to ultrasound to get a better look at them I said ok she asked if I wanted to change first or just walk over with my scrubbs on I said I’ll just walk over no biggie.

Once in ultrasound this was the view above on the celing the tiles were replaced with trees and the light made them come to light it was pretty, but I also thought it was interesting and weird. I’m use to pictures on the celing at the ob gyn office, but not in ultrasound. The ultrasound seem to take forever. The first image above is of the ultrasund and is a pic of one of the lumps/spots. I could not figure out how to copy the images from my disk of my breast to show you. The pics above are pics I took with my camera while in the room. Once done she left to consult with the radiologist so more waiting, then the radiologist comes in and explaines what he sees. He said we will just watch them and see if they grow before taking or recommending any other actions. I thought to myself are you serious! I said ok outloud and then ask how big was the biggest one he explained and I don’t remember, but he said 3 different number in dimentions. He said he wants me to come back in 6mth to redo everything again I said ok as I look at him with a smile.

So what does this all mean? Is this what happens when lumps/spots are located in your breast? Is it normal for your Dr/Radiologist to say lets wait and see if they grow. Mind you I’m still young I went to get a mammogram early for early detection. I am not 40 like the recommended age I’m younger. I felt like I was left hanging. I’m not panicing or freaking out I am wondering if I should get a second opinion! I can tell you one thing I’m not looking at trees the same way anymore lol lol…

I’ll process it over the weekend and think about what to do. The one thing I’m not going to do is run and tell everyone I don’t need anyone over reacting or feeling sorry when it could be nothing. If it does turn out to be something serious I’m not going to start wearing pink stuff or get involved in awareness stuff that’s just not my thing.

I was watching Dr Phil my man on T.V. when they came back so I didn’t get to see the end of the Dr Phil Family story. Which sucked :) Priorities!

While sitting in my car next to the complex a guy on the balcony of a different building called to me I looked up and he asked me in Spanish how I was and I replied in Spanish fine thanks. Why did I do this fuck then he knew I knew Spanish. Then he said in Spanish you want to hang out. I said in English I only know a little Spanish. Then another guy came out and said in English with a strong Spanish accent. He leaned onto the balcony and asked in English if I wanted a beer and I said no thank you he said you sure I said I’m sure. He went back inside then the original guy said in Spanish you want some cocaine and pressed one side of his nose. I think he knows I understand Spanish duh…. So I said no thank you in English. The he said if you change your mind I’m here in Spanish I said OK.

What is up with strangers asking me weird ass shit these days. Do I have a sign on my forehead saying I love strangers come hang out in my house and let’s do some drugs WTF. I am the last person to ask to do drugs. These people are wacked. At least they don’t live in my building no telling what else goes on there. Shit like this causes fires LOL LOL….. I crack myself up sometime!

If my life goes to shit and I fall apart at least I will have a connection :) Yeah and my luck I do drugs then I get drug tested from job. That would not be good! So for now I choose to stay drug free.

As he got closer I knew he was coming towards me for sure I didn’t get up to go into the house. Why should I its my right to be out there? He got closer then walked up to me and got into my bubble and said can you do me a favor I said “What” (In a stern voice)? (I wanted to say dude its 4 in the fucking morning way too early to be doing favors especially for strangers) He said can I chill in your house for a bit (I thought WTF are you kidding me) I said in a stern voice mind you I have to make my voice the way I did because I’m a soft spoken person “I have people in my house” I said he stood there as to think about it (The one time I wish I had my gun on me) Then he said OK and walked away. I watched him walk away and thought are you serious I can’t even feel safe to take a breath of fresh air without being bothered. Once he was out of sight I went back into the house. I’m glad I remained calm it could have went badly not knowing what he was up to.

He didn’t know me what if I was the one to be afraid of and said sure let’s go inside. Need I say more!

Well I have decided to set off on a new adventure. I may be starting a new blog for it but haven’t decided if I should just use this one or create a new one. If any regular readers want me to continue on this one let me know. I would be blogging daily when I start this adventure. I will be traveling and be on the road I have decided to do some traveling just me my car, laptop, and camera. I plan to take lots of pictures and post them.

I want to experience living out of my car for at least three months to see what it’s kinda like being homeless. Truth be known I was told I wont last a week LOL LOL. I will still have a place to live for when I return. The plan is to not sleep in any hotels or motels and if I do the adventure will be over. For those that know me my vehicle is big enough to sleep in the back of it with comfort. I’ve tried it already by doing a lot of camping lately. I will use 24hr fitness gyms for showers and working out of course so I will most likely lose weight. I will have money for food but I will not be eating out a lot I will use it sparingly mostly for gas. I’m not 100% set on it but it’s pretty close ^_^

I’m truly excited about this. I know some of you are thinking is she crazy? Yes, I am sometimes lol but not at this moment. I welcome your comments. If you know me and don’t want to comment on her just message or call me. I welcome your thoughts. I love you all !! Mauh XXXOOOXOXO

So let’s begin.

Imagine that hundreds of black protesters were to descend upon Washington DC and Northern Virginia, just a few miles from the Capitol and White House, armed with AK-47s, assorted handguns, and ammunition. And imagine that some of these protesters —the black protesters — spoke of the need for political revolution, and possibly even armed conflict in the event that laws they didn’t like were enforced by the government? Would these protester — these black protesters with guns — be seen as brave defenders of the Second Amendment, or would they be viewed by most whites as a danger to the republic? What if they were Arab-Americans? Because, after all, that’s what happened recently when white gun enthusiasts descended upon the nation’s capital, arms in hand, and verbally announced their readiness to make war on the country’s political leaders if the need arose.

Imagine that white members of Congress, while walking to work, were surrounded by thousands of angry black people, one of whom proceeded to spit on one of those congressmen for not voting the way the black demonstrators desired. Would the protesters be seen as merely patriotic Americans voicing their opinions, or as an angry, potentially violent, and even insurrectionary mob? After all, this is what white Tea Party protesters did recently in Washington.

Imagine that a rap artist were to say, in reference to a white president: “He’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on my machine gun.” Because that’s what rocker Ted Nugent said recently about President Obama.

Imagine that a prominent mainstream black political commentator had long employed an overt bigot as Executive Director of his organization, and that this bigot regularly participated in black separatist conferences, and once assaulted a white person while calling them by a racial slur. When that prominent black commentator and his sister — who also works for the organization — defended the bigot as a good guy who was misunderstood and “going through a tough time in his life” would anyone accept their excuse-making? Would that commentator still have a place on a mainstream network? Because that’s what happened in the real world, when Pat Buchanan employed as Executive Director of his group, America’s Cause, a blatant racist who did all these things, or at least their white equivalents: attending white separatist conferences and attacking a black woman while calling her the n-word.

Imagine that a black radio host were to suggest that the only way to get promoted in the administration of a white president is by “hating black people,” or that a prominent white person had only endorsed a white presidential candidate as an act of racial bonding, or blamed a white president for a fight on a school bus in which a black kid was jumped by two white kids, or said that he wouldn’t want to kill all conservatives, but rather, would like to leave just enough—“living fossils” as he called them—“so we will never forget what these people stood for.” After all, these are things that Rush Limbaugh has said, about Barack Obama’s administration, Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, a fight on a school bus in Belleville, Illinois in which two black kids beat up a white kid, and about liberals, generally.

Imagine that a black pastor, formerly a member of the U.S. military, were to declare, as part of his opposition to a white president’s policies, that he was ready to “suit up, get my gun, go to Washington, and do what they trained me to do.” This is, after all, what Pastor Stan Craig said recently at a Tea Party rally in Greenville, South Carolina.

Imagine a black radio talk show host gleefully predicting a revolution by people of color if the government continues to be dominated by the rich white men who have been “destroying” the country, or if said radio personality were to call Christians or Jews non-humans, or say that when it came to conservatives, the best solution would be to “hang ‘em high.” And what would happen to any congressional representative who praised that commentator for “speaking common sense” and likened his hate talk to “American values?” After all, those are among the things said by radio host and best-selling author Michael Savage, predicting white revolution in the face of multiculturalism, or said by Savage about Muslims and liberals, respectively. And it was Congressman Culbertson, from Texas, who praised Savage in that way, despite his hateful rhetoric.

Imagine a black political commentator suggesting that the only thing the guy who flew his plane into the Austin, Texas IRS building did wrong was not blowing up Fox News instead. This is, after all, what Anne Coulter said about Tim McVeigh, when she noted that his only mistake was not blowing up the New York Times.

Imagine that a popular black liberal website posted comments about the daughter of a white president, calling her “typical redneck trash,” or a “whore” whose mother entertains her by “making monkey sounds.” After all that’s comparable to what conservatives posted about Malia Obama on freerepublic.com last year, when they referred to her as “ghetto trash.”

Imagine that black protesters at a large political rally were walking around with signs calling for the lynching of their congressional enemies. Because that’s what white conservatives did last year, in reference to Democratic party leaders in Congress.

In other words, imagine that even one-third of the anger and vitriol currently being hurled at President Obama, by folks who are almost exclusively white, were being aimed, instead, at a white president, by people of color. How many whites viewing the anger, the hatred, the contempt for that white president would then wax eloquent about free speech, and the glories of democracy? And how many would be calling for further crackdowns on thuggish behavior, and investigations into the radical agendas of those same people of color?

To ask any of these questions is to answer them. Protest is only seen as fundamentally American when those who have long had the luxury of seeing themselves as prototypically American engage in it. When the dangerous and dark “other” does so, however, it isn’t viewed as normal or natural, let alone patriotic. Which is why Rush Limbaugh could say, this past week, that the Tea Parties are the first time since the Civil War that ordinary, common Americans stood up for their rights: a statement that erases the normalcy and “American-ness” of blacks in the civil rights struggle, not to mention women in the fight for suffrage and equality, working people in the fight for better working conditions, and LGBT folks as they struggle to be treated as full and equal human beings.

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

Game Over.

Tim Wise is among the most prominent anti-racist writers and activists in the U.S. Wise has spoken in 48 states, on over 400 college campuses, and to community groups around the nation. Wise has provided anti-racism training to teachers nationwide, and has trained physicians and medical industry professionals on how to combat racial inequities in health care. His latest book is called Between Barack and a Hard Place.

First let me update you on my living situation. I have a roommate living in the apartment with me and there friend is staying with us so yes we have taken in another stray. So last night early this morning I woke up close to 2am to go to the bathroom as I approached the bathroom I noticed the lights on so I half closed my eyes so I wouldn’t wake up walking toward the bathroom as soon as I got to the door I reached for the light switch to turn it off. There are two light switches since the bathroom is so long only the first on was on.

I then walked toward the toilet. I proceeded to sit down once sitting I felt something under my foot like paper. I then reached for the light switch next to the toilet. Good thing I was taken a piss otherwise I would have pissed myself. When I looked down there were at least 5 porn magazines on the floor next to the toilet. All I could see was a big ass staring at me. I immediately turned the light off finished using the bathroom and left the bathroom without washing my hands. As soon as I got to my room I kept saying over and over in my head that was not real that was not real and used my hand sanitizer in my room like 3 time LOL, then I got back in bed and went to sleep.

When I woke up to get ready to go to work I was scared to go into the bathroom LOL, but I braved it and it was clear. I know it was not my roommate because I noticed their bedroom door was closed as I returned. So our guess was apparently enjoying himself in the middle of the night LOL I can’t wait to see him this evening. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him knowing me I will smile and shake my head. I must have gotten up to go to the bathroom at a moment he stepped away since the lights were on. He must know I went to the bathroom because I just about flew off the toilet when I was done causing a loud noise LOL LOL

It’s nice to have a place to post the wacky stuff that happens in my life :)

I’m exhausted I did not sleep last night and I even went to bed early and popped a Xanax.  I was awaken in the middle of the night again of people in the apartment directly above me fighting.  This time it was a different couple the funny part is that I know this.  I always know where it’s coming from.

I also had a bad day yesterday.  I was semi fucked by my attorney yeah I have an attorney but I’m no bad girl just a normal one :)  I showed up to court and my attorney apparently had made a deal last week with the DA without my knowledge. What the fuck? I pretty much told my attorney where to stick the papers in a gracefully way of course and no I was not going to sign them.  He said I thought you would be happy lol lol.  Happy to take a deal I was unaware of ha ha what a joke.  I could have got that deal with a public defender.  I didn’t pay thousands of dollars for a fucked up deal.  Who does he think I am?  I’m smarter than the average bear :)

I insisted we go to trial and he wasn’t happy about that(Truth be known I think he is scared to.)  I guess we will all be surprised on Wed I don’t plan on backing down unless I get my way. I’m stubborn like that. I’d rather put my fate in the hand of 6 jurors than take a bullshit deal when I didn’t commit the crime I’m being accused of.  Don’t get me wrong it’s a great deal if I did it but I didn’t so I’m hoping justice will work for me at trial.  If it doesn’t then I suffer the consequences and deal with it.  The 6 jurors should give you an indication on how minor it is.

I will update my fellow readers on the status of my legal issues after I know what going on.  So until then “Vaya con Dios”

We are 8 days into the year and work is the same.  I have decided to look for a new job.  I had a couple of offers but I turned them down they just didn’t feel right. I have been with my company for almost a decade.  Overall I enjoy most of the people I work with.   There is that handful of coworkers I could live without.

I am tired of all the commuting I have been driving over 100 miles a day five days a week for the last 7 yrs thats a lot of gas money gone down the drain.  Between the slow drivers and the snow days I don’t want to do it anymore.  I do not know how long it will take me to find a new job in this economy. I also need to touch up the resume again after a month I don’t like the way it looks.  Ideally it would be nice if I could be on unemployment while I look for a job.  Unless my boss knows something I don’t know then that’s not going to happen.  Although at this point I feel it would be an honor to be fired. Sounds crazy huh? LOL

I have an anniversary at work coming up.  I do not wish to have a celebration with the whole office (almost 300 ppl) as most people do.  So I have decided to only have the celebration with my team of folks which is about 25 people.  Then others in the building can have the leftovers.

Now the court part.  So I went to court this week for a speeding ticket I received last year that was for 14 points mind you in this state we only get 12 points on our license.  Yes, I was speeding like a bat out of hell and it felt good.  It sucked that I got busted.  I was clocked at going 102 on the highway.  I was actually going faster I just figured the radar was off a little, which worked out to my benefit.  I must admit I did learn a lesson I will not be doing that again the worst part of it all was driving to the planet it happened in and doing the waiting game.  It took me three hours to get there then I was there two hours then three more hours on the road.  Now that was fucking hell.  The brighter side is I am alive because  if I would have crashed at that speed in the car I was in I would have been dead so I have learned my speeding lesson.

This is the last day of the year and I am working.  Work is moving very slow due to not much activity.  This has been a crazy year between things going on with me and with my friends and family.  A lot of death has occurred this year.  I don’t really have any resolutions for 2010.  What does that mean anyway you know?

We can all say were going to try and be a better person and just leave it at that.All of this I’m going to lose 40lbs blah blah blah!  It’s all crap! Why do we as Americans wait until the end of the year to say what were going to do the next year. Very weird I’d say!  I must say I’m enjoying this blog it really helps get crap off my chest with the freedom to talk about whom ever I want.  I know I have readers out there because I see you so feel free to comment freely as it will be posted  unless its super dooper crazy which I can’t imagine what that would be.  Also I accept anonymous comments.

Since this is my last post of the year I will tag it with everything : )  I wonder how that will turn out!  So if you ended up here due to a search of a word in tag feel free to browse the blog it’s very interesting and will piss off some people ruffle some feathers.  Don’t forget to check out my Blogroll there are some really interesting and cools sites to look at.  Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Everyday I am greeted by MU2NG (Mexicans Up 2 No Good.) Call me a racist I don’t care maybe I am.  If I had never been exposed to living where I am I would not have these feelings.  I’m sure in the “Ghetto” black men stand around doing nothing also and the same goes for trailer park they have “trailer park trash rednecks” standing around doing nothing.

Either situation bugs the hell out of me.  I don’t understand the point of standing around people cars doing nothing.  At least smoke a cigarette or something. Oh yeah that’s right they stand around holding a beer instead.  It’s just plain nasty and gross to see them daily staring at me speaking Spanish thinking I don’t understand what they’re saying.  They’re just filthy little pigs.

These are photos I took yesterday as I arrived home and parked the car.  Needless to say I always back my car in just in case I need a quick get away : ) You will notice one of the males looking at me as this occurs on a daily basis but always a different ugly one.  As I sat in my car I held up my cell phone and started taking pictures.  The male by the red vehicle said as I walked by “Why do she live here?” (In Spanish) WTF this is AMERICA Why are you here with your Illegal Ass?  If only immigration did a sweep through the apartments I live in it would be 95% empty.

The nerve of him to say something so stupid/ignorant. Oh! It’s because I have a nice car oops two cars and I actually go to work everyday.  I actually look clean when I leave my apartment and don’t forget my patio isn’t a fucking storage unit and I do not have 12 people living in my two bedroom.   They’re right I do not belong there I’m there to save money and little did I know what I was sacrificing to do it.  I will never do this shit again.